LATE By Chelsea Peretti
How’re you gonna show up late
With a coffee in your hand?
How’re you gonna have me sit and wait
While you hit the coffee stand?
How’re you gonna waltz in here?
Iced coffee in hand
Big smile on your big dumb face
Zero mention that you’re fifteen late
How’re you gonna show up late
But have a coffee in your hand?
I’m racking my brain but I don’t understand
You you you you, you were fifteen minutes late
With wet hair and coffee and a scone
Seems like you could’ve skipped one or two
And I wouldn’t have been alone
Waiting for you, all alone at that
Said time that we set
I was here at one on the dot
You were not
You lied and said that it was hard to find a parking spot
How’re you gonna show up late
With a coffee in your hand?
How’re you gonna have me sit and wait
While you hit the coffee stand?
How’re you gonna waltz in here?
Iced coffee in hand
Big smile on your big dumb face
Zero mention that you’re fifteen late
I bet you think the song is about you
But it’s about me
I’m frequently late and walk in with coffee
I f—— hate myself for that
But it’s who I am
Maybe I’ll do TM like everyone else in LA
And pay for a mantra “Don’t be late”
“Don’t bring a coffee and don’t be late”
That’s my TM mantra, maybe someday
Feels weird to pay for a mantra, but that’s LA
Seems like meditation should be free
Maybe that’s just me
That thinks it’s a con to make you pay for a mantra
